hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
