Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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