I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
not ubering you a puppy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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