I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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