i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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