I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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