spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well you can't waste a boner
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
