Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
