We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
