she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
