He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
