I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
