Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
