i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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