im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
