I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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