You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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