I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
