i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
