Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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