Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
