Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
