so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
