My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
