I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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