If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's never too late to be topless.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
