The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
