It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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