i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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