That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
