I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
