i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
