I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
