when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
