I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
