Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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