I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
