Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
