foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
