Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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