ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Mom said you looked used
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize