I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
