dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
