It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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