i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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