It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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