You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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