So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
