You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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