A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
