I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
