my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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