She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize