Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
