you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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