how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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