I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
