The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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