Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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