Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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