just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
