im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
