so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
