i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
