I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize