Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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