I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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