Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize