Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
